we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
