it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize