Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
