I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Randomize
