Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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