I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
