I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
