Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
