Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
