Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
