saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
