You can't motorboat a personality
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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