There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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