I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
