She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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