We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
