why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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