How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
