I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
