I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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