Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
