She is in my trunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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