Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
