its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
