You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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