I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
