If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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