I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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