I'm gonna have a badass scar
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
