I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
3pm strippers are depressing
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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