If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
