Whod you bang
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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