dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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