Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
