Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
