I'm gonna have a badass scar
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
