Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
