just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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