I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I smell like Dick and happiness
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
