You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
