Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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