So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize