Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
