Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We're too hungover to prance.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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