Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
