I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
