Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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