I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
