I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
