haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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