I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize