I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
