No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
