i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think my vagina is haunted
high people should be assigned attendants
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
