After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
