He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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