I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
