yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I had to cum in my sink.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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