If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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