Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
