she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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