"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
