This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
