I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
