I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
