The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
