dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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