You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
