omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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