Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize