I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
