Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
