I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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