Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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