i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
