Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
