apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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