well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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