I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
