It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
