My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
