My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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