I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
