I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
