living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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