You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
