woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I would ride that face into the sunset
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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