i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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