Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
