just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
