You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize