omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
