I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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