I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
