no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
