I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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