so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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