I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
