Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
