This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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