my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize