he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
