went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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