i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
