my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
