so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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