Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
