She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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